As tired as I am right now, I wouldn't give anything up, change anything, turn down a late night trip to go to Denny's, or refuse to drink and smoke when I have class at 9:40 the next morning. I love my life. I'm so damn lucky.




















and i can't wait til london.

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

Meaning

Summary

Things I hate:

dishonesty
closed minds
orange
body hair
feet
kirstin dunst
broken promises
george w. bush
running
waking up early
mexico
easy words
poopy diapers
sloppy kissing
acne
selfishness
hipocracy
breast milk
homophobia
religious fundamentalists
lack of eye contact
being led on
people who take advantage of others
tapered, high waisted, pleated pants
war
throwing up
public restrooms


Things I love:

my ladies
theatre
reading plays
pasta
eye make-up
hope
showtunes
diamonds
thongs
push up bras
foreign men
cities
bias cut
eyebrows
stilletos
rippling pectorals
passion
anything italian
low rise jeans
art
collages
laughing
powerful women
being right
acting
travelling
tim hortons
photography
james bond
driving too fast
amaretto sours
kissing
acceptance
beatiful hands
stage combat
sweating
zoning out
candlelight
old houses
wild mushroom
alternative uses for pop cans
coffee
sex and the city
massages and being touched in general
being mysterious
christmas
getting flowers
having my hair played with
equality
openness
beautiful men
accents
free drinks
trivial things
odd combinations
perfume
listening
creativity
baths
swimming
dogs
vintage style
marilyn monroe
my dad's pancakes
milk
being tan
connecting
cleavage
getting mail
doing things i shouldn't
ben and jerry's
belting
being warm
eye contact
dressing up
freedom
art that makes me think
boats
sinew
casting against type
tennessee williams
sassiness
law and order: svu
chiffon
stage make-up
red hair
manicures
doritos
spot coffee
old spice
smell of stale cigartettes
phillips dates
my gf
my grampa
voicemail
the beatles
other people's babies
catharting
chips and dick
people who can blow my mind
good hair
jason mraz
confidence
chick flicks
myself.

I just needed a little reminder that there are more things to love than to hate.

amazing preview. I <3 my life right now.
















oh, and just kidding.

I really understand the saying life is just a bowl of cherries in light of my life since school has started. I got cast in Gypsy, fo rthose of you who don't know, I'm one of the strippers, Tessie. Its been amazing. So much fun and great work. Not so hot on the boy front. Nothing terrible, or even bad, just nothing exciting to tell. I think I'd rather wait for the exciting than settling. Two of my friends are in the hospital. How can 2 people so young with so much to offer the world have this happen to them. They are such great boys. I love them and they're constantly on my mind. I can't wait to go home and see them both. I heart you boys. October 25th is very quickly approaching. I haven't really thought about it yet, I can't really allow myself to go to that place at this point. It really scares me. I love my friends more than life itself. They are my sanity and we get 7 rounds of shots purchased for us by males we had never seen before at a bar in Canada. Who else can a girl share that with? thats about it. come see the show hoes. dates are as follows: Oct 6-8, 14-15 @ 8 pm and 9 and 16 @ 2 in the Leary Theatre on campus





peace love and hair grease.

Date:	2005-09-05 23:39
Subject:	It's Laundry Day
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm

Another audition weekend down! I feel very confident about my auditions; dance was not as good as i had hoped, but what can you do? my monologue and vocal auditions were really strong. I reached my goal, which was to give the best audition I could. At this point, I have certain hopes as far as casting goes, but it doesnt really matter, I know I gave kickass auditions, and thats all that matters to me right now. Last noght was so much fun!! Great times playing and being very organic with some great people. I love college and the crazy little man who works at tim hortons who puts extra cream cheese on mine and jess's bagel!

I bought a pair of boots I dont need today, they're pretty rediculous.


i need a cabana boy or a hot foreign exchange student, so if any are interested, send all applications to seton 821. thank you.

thats all i have to say. goodnight

Date:	2005-08-30 21:49
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

So happy to be back at school!!! Not so happy not being in an apartment, but I have may ladies around me so, its all good!

I feel really ready for auditions = a not so stressed Becca!

And I saw Paul Todaro today and I touched myself.

I bought a pair of pants today that make my ass look hot. Holla

Not really too much else to say, but I'm in such a great place right now, and I feel like life is wonderful! SO peace out!

ive been packing all day, pretty much and i still have more to clean/organize. awesome.

cant wait to go back tomorrow. will miss some here. will miss my mom. will miss good food. will miss money. but looking forward to being with my nuts. looking forward to dr sharon. looking forward to chips and dick. will still miss money.

auditions are making me nervous, but i feel good. now i just have to keep all the insecurities at bay, and we will be golden.

hoping some things will grow and that some will be erased from my memory.


sometimes im such a child. it only adds to my good looks. wink.

sigh. must go back and pack with a mouse in a house with soap on a rope. the end.

What a wonderful reunion!!!! Maggie, Tara and I got Chinses food and watched America's Next Top Model = fabulous. Then we got all gussied up and went to Canada in search of some foreign Muffs. At Wild Mushroom we had multiple drinks purchased for us = fabulous again. Jess, Meegan and Mark met us there when Maggles and I were drunk and Maggie did a conception to birth dance = fabulous. We really like muffs. If you are interested in donating a short veiwing of your muff to our cause, please, let me know. We need all the muffs we can get. I was supposed to leave at 7 to get to Rochester by 9, but I didn't = fabulous. We went to Denny's for breakfast and then went our seperate ways. I was so sad to see Maggie drive away, but at the same time I knew that even though it might be a while before I see her again, nothing will change. She will always be Maggles and she will alwys be a part of me. The same goes for all my friends. They mean the world to me. There's something so special about them. I know I can show the ugly things about myself and its ok. They are more important than some guy that might come along, and so far usually goes. So I heart my ladies and that's all there is to it. Goodnight friends, sweet dreams!

Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?

hmmm what to tell you all? My new daycare center opened this week. It has its ups and downs, but its getting better. Karen Achtyl is home til wednesday, which makes me incredibly happy. She is fabulous. Friday night I hung out with Karen and Dan Weed at Matt Michael's house. Always a good time. Saturday, Meg and i drove out to Dave's for his graduation party. If you want to hear the story, ask me. thats all I have to say. I slept for many hours today = yum.

I find myself seeking validation more than I care to acknowledge. I don't like that about myself. boo.









too damn hot. i cant breath.

Thursday was Between Friends last day = I cried when I had to leave my babies. My kids didn't really understand, but I really miss them. I start at Caring and Sharing on Monday, so say a lil prayer! THursday night I went to Buffalo for the night to see Tara Lawton. We went out to Goodbar, and Joe Weins didn't show, but it didn't matter, we had a lot of fun without him. Friday, we went to the beach and got something to eat, but the I had to go home so I could get to orientation for my new job. hmmm what else? just a few things here and there. Yesterday I went to go see Kicking and Screaming with Jessica. She is so wonderful and I looove her! After that, Kateri and I went over to Bill from Brighton's friends Rob and Eric's apartment to hang out and drink and such. Bill and I dominated in Liquor Pong. Hell yes. Terese came over for a bit to hang out wich was fabulous! Then Kateri got sick and I felt so bad! It was def my peer pressure that got her so drunk. I felt so bad! Thank God Bill stayed with me, he was great. He carried her out to my car and everything. Hell yes Bill from Brighton and heart for Kateri. I have to be at the new center at 8 in the morning, so I'm gunna go to bed/ I don't feel like writing any more. Love you kids

Date:	2005-06-26 14:22
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	pensive

Not much has really changed, working a lot, not having enough fun. Tara was supposed to come visit this weekend, but our schedules didn't jive, so she couldn't come. Thursday, Amy, Meg, Erin and I tried to go see Chorus LIne, but the bastards were sold out. So we went back to Amy's and played. Friday I went out with Kateri to Liquor Room, but it was lame, so we went over to Bar Fly and that was awesome. We met up with BIll from Brighton and his friends. It was so good to see him, its been a mad long time. Then Kateri, Bill and I went over to Bill's friends' apartment for a bit, then BIll and I went back to his house and we hung out for a while watching infomercials and some movie about skiing where all the people were really fugly. I definitly didn't leave til 5 in the morning, thusly getting me home at approximately 5:30am. I then got up at 8:30 to go to a 6 hour driving class from my speeding ticket. I don't know if I've ever considered self mutilation as much as I did between 9 and 3:30 on Saturday. Buuuuut its ok.

I watched Gypsy with Bette Midler as Mama Rose. Not the best movie, but I got a good sense of the show and the music. I now have something to shoot for and it makes me excited! woot! Oh, ps if anyone has the cd (preferably Bernandette) and wants to lend it to me to burn/burn it for me, let me know.

I have to say goodbye to all my babies on thursday, and I am really sad about it. I have gotten really attatched. heart for babies.

have a wonderful week friends!

I love that my girlfriend gives me tips on deoderant. i heart her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will not be the girl stuck at home in the 'burbs
With the baby, the dog and the garden of herbs.
I will not be the girl in the sensible shoes
Pushing burgers and beernuts and missing the clues.
I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels
To be trotting along at the genius's heels!
I will not be the girl who requires a man to get by.

I finally got to see my new baby cousin today and I held her for a really long time = i <3 babies! just...not any that come from my own body. I learned today that breast feeding is not easy and is so difficult, there are nursing "consultants" in the hospital when a new baby is born to help the new mother get the hang of it. huh. Breasts facinate a lot of people, but I didn't know they were so confusing. Intersting. Well, reason #4556567575857567 not to have babies!

My updates haven't been all that posative as of late, but I really don't have too much posative to say. I fel very alone most of the time. I am questioning anything and everything. I miss Tara and all my ladies like whoa. Mostly the things in my life that I fing fulfilling such as theatre and friends don't happen with as much frequency as I need/want them to. I don't even know what i need to do.

One amazing thing this week was hanging out with Meg and Andy at Amy's apartment = great people, great times. I'm so lucky to have them in my life, they are the best! I looooooooooove them!!!!!!

See? right there, something great, some great friends! I think I'm just being too negative. Oh well. se la vie. I have no idea if that's spelled correctly (pardon me, Grammer Nazis Katie and Casey). Let's all get together and play!!!! that would be so much funnn!!!!! c'mon!

love you kids

I was driving home today, and there was this dude riding a motor cycle weaving in and out of traffic. I was stuck in traffic and he was wizzing past everyone until I couldn't see him anymore. I wanted to be on the back of his bike and just get the fuck out of there. When I left Buffalo Sunday night, I cried. I didn't want to leave Tara, I feel like we didn't get to hang out at all and I didn't want to loose the feeling of freedom that was in that apartment. I love my family, and I love my friends here, but this place is not where I belong. I don't know, this is just a lot of drivel, but I can't help it. I just want a genie to pop out of a lamp and snap his fingers and make everything ok. But we all know that nothing comes easy, no pain, no gain, right? Can't just one right thing just fall into my lap? ok thats done.

I'm auditioning for Carl's dad on Saturday for this one act that is going to New York! I can't wait, but I'm shitting myself a little bit! Let's hope! Oh and I fit into size ZERO skirt today. sa-weet!

Tara gave me a giant rubber ducky and we named him Norbert. He's fabulous. She's fabulous. The end.

PS - I'm watching Queer EYe and I miss you ladies.

Date:	2005-05-30 13:52
Subject:	Sweet nuts!
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm

What a wonderful weekend! Karen came home friday night around 11:30 and Laura and I went back to Karen's house with her after the airport. We sat and ate grilled cheese as is tradition, and just sat and talked for a while catching up with each other. Saturday, we went to the mall to buy Cookie, Karens bf, a pink shirt. We ate some dinner and headed ou tot my house to get ready, again, in fitting with tradition. We then went to club Liquid, in which we, the white girls, were definitly in the minority . But it was so much fun. We went and we shook our shit a lil bit. You know how we do. Met some cool people aka Joel and Will and headed back to my house for a lil sleepover action. Then last night we went over to Karen's to watch Titanic - the quintessential girls night movie. There was definitly one point when the movie got intense, like when the ship was sinking or something, and we were all holding our breath, and all I could think of was Amanda Sharpe saying "Breath! Keep breathing!" Then Scott, Dan Weed and Austin came over and we hung out, I taught them how to play crotch-it. The boys didn't appreciate it as much as the girls and my ladies do, but that's probably because they weren't getting molested. Too bad. You lack a vagina for me to grope. Not my fault. Sooooo anyway, we said out see you laters to Karen, and no matter how short the time is between seeing her, in this case hopefully 2 weeks, it really depresses me and I miss her like whoa. She is such a special person and I love her. But hopefully I can go with Katie and Laura to Virginia to meet up with Karen when Katie comes home. So that's about all I've got. I'm gunna go hop in the shower and then go to my aunt's house for a picnic. So I hope everyone has a good day, and I'll talk to you all later!

I miss doing crack. And playing crotch-it. The end. Back to work tomorrow. Boo. Peace and love kids!

I feel so trapped right now! I need to get in my car with a cd player that works and not worry about how much gas I'm using and just drive. I don't know where I'd drive. Maybe to go see Maggie, maybe Syracuse, maybe Key West or maybe California. I fee like I'm spinning my wheels and its pissing me off. I feel like things will never happen and I will be stuck at the daycare center forever and will be living with my parents forever and hearing when are you coming home? until the end of time! I know nothing comes easy, but just once, can't it be meant to be or some shit like that? Oh. And another thing. I am so goddamn sick of church. I don't know if you guys have the same problem, but I go to keep my parents happy. Its such a waste of my time and I could be sleeping, damnit. I do not want to wake up early to go spend time with a bunch of nose in the air-holier-than-thou-ers because my parents want me to. guh. whatever. we're not friends!

Enough complaining now. I just had to get that off my chest. ahhh. feels better.

I miss everyone who keeps me sane on a regular basis like whoa! I hope everyone's summer is going well! love you guys!

Date:	2005-05-14 02:34
Subject:	Halfway done...
Security:	Public
Mood:	nostalgic

I was going to try to think of something inspirational to put in this enrty to wrap up a tumultuous year, but all I could really think of to say was thanks...so...thanks. Thanks to all my NUTS for making this the place I don't want to leave. Thanks to all my teachers for sticking by me and helping me grow so much this year. Thanks to my famliy for always being my safety net. And thanks to my ladies. You are what got me through this year. I can't even begin to imagine my life today without you ladies. You have been there when I'm grumpy with a quick game of crotchet, when I'm sad with crotchet and when I'm cracky with crotchet. I love touching you all, and I enjoy being touched by you. So to everyone, have a fabulous summer, and I can't wait to see you all next fall! peace out cub scouts...and keep crotchet alive!